It's all hidden.

At last my bisul burst. Hehehe. Yesterday nite, I had a hard time sleeping becoz of that bisul. Nak kencing susah..nak yak pun susah. Only GOD knows how miserable I am.

Nothing unusual happened @ work today. I went home straight after work coz it's raining. Luckily no earthworm crawling on the pavement or else I will start jumping here & there to avoid them...hehehe.

I received an SMS from Rommie today. He wanted to meet me tonite. I just agreed to it since I got no plans. So we agreed to meet ard 10pm. I watched tv all the way till 9pm. I sms Shah & as per normal he is @ work. I asked the same boring qns (how r u? dah mkn? bz ke? hujan ke kat sana? blah blah blah).

Out of nowhere, I pop up the qns again abt us. I remind him that our 2 mths "probation" period gonna end soon. Does he wants to proceed a step ahead? Or just leave it hanging like now? Or wanna step back & just become frens? What's the use of him saying "I like u"..."I miss u"..."I want us to be more than what we are now"...when he himself can't forget the bad memories he had with his x. I've been hearing these phrases too many times. But what do I gain from that? I dun feel secure at all. Am I asking too much? Am I pressuring him? I dun think so. I only want assurance from him. That's all. Whenever I want to go out with somebody else, I think twice. But why should I feel this way? He & I not attached to each other yet rite.

Today he told me that he really wanted to meet me & miss me alot. It had been 3 weeks we've not meet each other. He confessed that there are few occasions he wanted to meet me. After getting ready, he change his mind. He even dunno what had stop him from meeting me. Whenever he wants to meet me, the negative thinkings about his past will always be there to stop him. He just scared to face another failed relationship. Am I always have to understand him? What about myself? Who will understand me? Sometimes I do feel disappointed whenever our plan cancelled. But does he knows that? All I can do is keep it to myself. I kept on pacifying myself that he must be tired coz he working part-time @ nite.

I don't deny that I like him. But how long should I play this game? How patiently can I take this? I'm the type who get bored easily with guys. I told him again & again, it's all in the mindset. No matter how bad was the past experience, life still have to go on. We can't live with our past forever coz it will bring us no where. I really dunno what to do. I leave everything to ALLAH. May HE lead me to the way out.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I just feel like crying now!!! I miss him sooooooooo much!!!

PrinXeSs Montelz told you a secret at 2:38 PM .