It's all hidden.

Sejujur mana ikhlasnya hati
ketika lembut senyum diberi
apakah ada tujuan...
sebalik senyuman itu...

Sejujur manakah kata-kata
ketika kita bertentang mata
boleh kah aku percaya
mungkin itu satu sandiwara
kerana sering
pengucapan zahir batin tak seiring
ada rasa ada jiwa
terluka hilang rasa percaya

Pengalaman telah mendewasakan
mematangkan fikiran
pahit getir yang pernah kulalui
guruku sejati

Bukan dirimu ku curigai
aku sekadar berhati-hati...
tidak rela bakal ada yang kecewa...
biar waspada

I was karaoke-ing when Mohd called my mobile. He was on his way back home. He wanted to have a talk with me. I told him that I'll call him back shortly. I switched off my karaoke system & went to my room. Actually I got no mood to talk with anyone. Since he wanted so much to talk to me, I left with no choice. I called his mobile.

He asked me when I'm free. It has been quite sometime he met me. The last time was 18/02/05. Almost 2 months. I told him that I can't confirm when I'll be free. He said that I always avoiding him and gave alot of excuses whenever he asked me out. He really wanted to meet me this coming Wed (27/04/05). He'll be on leave & expect me to take leave also. I don't think I can. It's not that I dun want to spend time with him. But I scared I'm giving him hope.

Dia buat confession lagi. Inilah yg paling aku takut skali nak dgr...haiizzz!!! He said he's dead serious abt me. He wants me to be his girl. Eversince the 1st meeting, he has been trying to get close with me. He called & sms me whenever he's free. But eversince I knew him, there were a lot of obstacles we've gone thru. And the MAIN obstacle is the woman whom his mother wants to matchmake him with. Pernah skali aku kena gegar dgn perempuan tu during our early friendship. She said that I'm dating her husband. I felt cheated in the beginning but he tried very hard to convince me that he's a single parent. He even wants to bring me along to collect his divorce cert the other time to show that he really single. He kept on asking why I don't want to give ourselves a chance to be together and try out. I told him that I'm not prepared to have another relationship. I always think that I'm the 3rd party in his relationship with that woman. He said he dun like that woman. He tried b4 to like he but he can't. It's becoz of his mum that he just played along.

I told him that love can come after marriage and since she's his mum choice, this shld be a gd choice rite? Tapi dia ni degil nak mampus. He kept on saying why I dun give him a chance, till when I'm gonna be like this. He said he really likes & love me alot. I'm scared of all these sweet phrases. To him, he accept me for what I am. Physical appearance & looks can't gave him any assurance that a relationship can work out. But what makes him so sure that I dun play him out? Hehehe..jahat sakz ni anak Aswari.

I just dun want anyone of us get hurt in the later stage.TATTOO...this is what he has on his body. How am I supposed to let him face my parents? My parents can be open minded at times but pasal tattoo ni ade sikit susah beb. Ponzie did told me before that these can be hide. But for how long I wanna hide it? Sooner or later, my parents gonna find out. Kalau tak de restu dari parents, how can a marriage works? I just dun want to give him any hope. Kalau minus tu tattoo, aku tak teragak-agak nak choose dia. But becoz of this, it stops me. I told him to give me some time to think about it. I dun want to rush to a relationship which I'm unsure of. He asked how long...I can't answer that. I dun want to make another mistake. I really hope he understand. Dia kata dia dah ckp apa yg dia nak ckp, semua nya terserah pada aku. But no matter what, he said he really serious about me.

Alahai...sakit kepala bibik dgn masalah mcm ni.

PrinXeSs Montelz told you a secret at 1:44 PM .